hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
