I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
