I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
