when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
