I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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