If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
