dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
