they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Im part way to drunk.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
