I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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