i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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