Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
