She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
