If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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