I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
