sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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