I met the friendliest cop last night
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize