yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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