I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
