I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
