Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
