Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
