Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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