so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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