A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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