But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
