but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
