Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
