Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
