if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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