good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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