this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
