it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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