take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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