No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize