she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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