He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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