it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
