my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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