I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize