In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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