operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
