i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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