I'm so fucking centered right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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