Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
