every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
