I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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