On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
