omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
