dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
