I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
