I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
