Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize