More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
