I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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