she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
