Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
