is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I still have a little drunk in my system
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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