All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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