i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
