never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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