ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
