That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
