what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
