I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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