Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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