Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
