I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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