sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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