Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
