So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
