he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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